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Advice, please?
Alright, so I kind of have three issues right now, and no idea what to do, or whether I should do anything about it.
The first, being that I won't eat. I'm not trying to starve myself intentionally, but my body pretty much rejects it most of the time. I've always been a girl who didn't eat much/didn't need to, but now I can only actually eat one meal a day, without my body wanting to spit it back out. It doesn't help that I'm already a picky eater, and the only meat I will eat is chicken. Before, it was possible to actually completely digest whatever food I ate for breakfast, but now I can't even take two bites without spitting it out, practically puking it out until there isn't a trace of it left in my mouth.
No one of course notices this, or makes anything out of it, because of course my family is completely used to this, (and they don't know about the practically puking up food part), and I've been friends with the same people for years, and they've grown used to me not eating at school, or at any of their houses.)
My legs are thinner than they were a year ago, my rib cage and hips stick out more than on a normal person (my hips stick out more than my rib cage), and my arms, well let's just say that if you'd merge them together, they'd be approximately the same size as one of my legs.
I have no idea what to do about this, or if I should do anything at all. If I were to do anything, what would I do? Go up to my mother and say "Hey mom, my body has a mind of it's own and its trying to be anorexic? What are you going to do about it?"
Honestly, If I could do anything WITHOUT having to go see a doctor or a shrink, I might actually do whatever that is.
The second issue, is that I think that I just might possibly be Bipolar. Bipolar, would actually make some sense of my whacked out emotions, and what I'm feeling and doing. One minute I'm depressed, feeling like I'm being ripped apart from the inside, and bawling my eyes out, to normal, to wanting to gouge out some innocent person's eyes. So, I'll just say what I've been like lately/what I've done, since before the beginning of October.
- I've cried every single day, not just a few tears, but like I had lost someone I loved most.
- I have felt like I was going to puke, everyday.
- felt like someone was ripping me open, from the inside out.
- felt like my head was being rammed against a brick wall.
- I'm sleeping less, feeling like I was going to pass out with 9 hours of sleep, and feeling like I could run a marathon with only 4.
- felt like someone was ripping flesh off of my neck O__O
- very irritable
- vulnerable
- racing thoughts (theres only been 4 or so days where this has happened)
- times where I couldn't stop talking (and I'm a quiet person)
- felt worthless everyday.
- repeated thoughts of death, and worst-case scenarios.
- very indecisive.
Lastly, theres the not as important issue. So, my best guy friend, whom I've liked for over a year, and I know likes me, is being a complete jackass lately. From May to July, we were pretty much like boyfriend and girlfriend. Late august, I just didn't like him as much as I did before, and we were going nowhere. September, I had a breakdown because I missed him so much, and told him. He told me he missed me too, and so we went back to the way we were before. he used to talk & hang out with me pretty much everyday, now he mostly only speaks to me on msn, and rarely hangs out with me. He makes promises he can't keep (such as "I promise I'll hang out with you tomorrow, babe.") He also is hanging out with a girl who so obviously hates my guts because it's obvious to me and everyone else (except for him, of course) that she hates me because she likes him. If he stops to talk to me, she will either keep walking, or have one of the fakest smiles ever on. Basically, I don't need anymore lies or broken promises in my life.
If anyone could give me any kind of advice on anything, I'd really appreciate it.
[I understand if part of the last paragraph doesn't make sense, I confused myself when I was trying to figure out how to word it :\ ]
The first, being that I won't eat. I'm not trying to starve myself intentionally, but my body pretty much rejects it most of the time. I've always been a girl who didn't eat much/didn't need to, but now I can only actually eat one meal a day, without my body wanting to spit it back out. It doesn't help that I'm already a picky eater, and the only meat I will eat is chicken. Before, it was possible to actually completely digest whatever food I ate for breakfast, but now I can't even take two bites without spitting it out, practically puking it out until there isn't a trace of it left in my mouth.
No one of course notices this, or makes anything out of it, because of course my family is completely used to this, (and they don't know about the practically puking up food part), and I've been friends with the same people for years, and they've grown used to me not eating at school, or at any of their houses.)
My legs are thinner than they were a year ago, my rib cage and hips stick out more than on a normal person (my hips stick out more than my rib cage), and my arms, well let's just say that if you'd merge them together, they'd be approximately the same size as one of my legs.
I have no idea what to do about this, or if I should do anything at all. If I were to do anything, what would I do? Go up to my mother and say "Hey mom, my body has a mind of it's own and its trying to be anorexic? What are you going to do about it?"
Honestly, If I could do anything WITHOUT having to go see a doctor or a shrink, I might actually do whatever that is.
The second issue, is that I think that I just might possibly be Bipolar. Bipolar, would actually make some sense of my whacked out emotions, and what I'm feeling and doing. One minute I'm depressed, feeling like I'm being ripped apart from the inside, and bawling my eyes out, to normal, to wanting to gouge out some innocent person's eyes. So, I'll just say what I've been like lately/what I've done, since before the beginning of October.
- I've cried every single day, not just a few tears, but like I had lost someone I loved most.
- I have felt like I was going to puke, everyday.
- felt like someone was ripping me open, from the inside out.
- felt like my head was being rammed against a brick wall.
- I'm sleeping less, feeling like I was going to pass out with 9 hours of sleep, and feeling like I could run a marathon with only 4.
- felt like someone was ripping flesh off of my neck O__O
- very irritable
- vulnerable
- racing thoughts (theres only been 4 or so days where this has happened)
- times where I couldn't stop talking (and I'm a quiet person)
- felt worthless everyday.
- repeated thoughts of death, and worst-case scenarios.
- very indecisive.
Lastly, theres the not as important issue. So, my best guy friend, whom I've liked for over a year, and I know likes me, is being a complete jackass lately. From May to July, we were pretty much like boyfriend and girlfriend. Late august, I just didn't like him as much as I did before, and we were going nowhere. September, I had a breakdown because I missed him so much, and told him. He told me he missed me too, and so we went back to the way we were before. he used to talk & hang out with me pretty much everyday, now he mostly only speaks to me on msn, and rarely hangs out with me. He makes promises he can't keep (such as "I promise I'll hang out with you tomorrow, babe.") He also is hanging out with a girl who so obviously hates my guts because it's obvious to me and everyone else (except for him, of course) that she hates me because she likes him. If he stops to talk to me, she will either keep walking, or have one of the fakest smiles ever on. Basically, I don't need anymore lies or broken promises in my life.
If anyone could give me any kind of advice on anything, I'd really appreciate it.
[I understand if part of the last paragraph doesn't make sense, I confused myself when I was trying to figure out how to word it :\ ]
Tags: bipolar, boys, eating disorder, problems, relationships
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Daniel on -
It could very well be a mental disorder. I was thinking something along the lines of Manic Depression *Bi-Polar* some of the Manic people that I know are sometimes like that. They will not eat, *even if they want to they won't* and they will start to cry a LOT, and they have a lot of the same symptoms that you have. I think you might want to talk to a school councelor or psychologist about this. They can help, even if others don't think they can help at all.... they can :)
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Permalink Reply by Mallory on -
Thanks Daniel :]
I'll try and work up the nerve to go to Guidance on Tuesday, and I'll probably end up there anyways, since my mother just told me that my dad has moved out... :(
And I'm embarrassed to say, that when my mom told me, I cried for three minutes. ONLY three minutes. I think I either went into shock (which trust me, I saw that my mom's car was parked in the middle of the driveway, never a good sign) but I was prepared, but don't you'd think I'd be crying a bucket load? So, either I went into shock, or I have no tears left to cry.
God, my life is messed up.
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