for those who wish they were vampires...

this is something i wrote as a reply in another discussion. but im going to post it up here as a discussion all its own, because i want this to be seen. its not pleasant. its not fun, its not special or glamorous and im sure its not the same for everyone but heres whats going on with an awakening of someone i know...this is what happens:

awakening SUCKS. when you are a vampire, you have to go through a period where your body physically changes. lets think of fiction for a moment. in anne rice movies (interview with the vampire, queen of the damned), the change from human to vampire is almost instant. in twilight it takes 3 excruciating days. in real life it can take months...and for some people YEARS to fully awaken. what does a vampire awakening consist of? well. lets start with the sun.

if you enjoy going out in the sun and being out and about when the weather is nice...you can kiss that goodbye. vampires do not burn up and die in the sun, but being outside in the sun is AWFUL. your eyes will sting and burn...even if you have sunglasses on. it will drain your energy making you weak and achy and nauseated. it will make you feel very faint and shaky and sometimes you may be unable to stand up.

if you enjoy food...thats another pleasure that you can kiss goodbye. vampires can eat normal human food...but it does not taste the same as before...the tastebuds are dulled and things taste much less appealing than they used to. your appetite for normal food will diminish. some days you might eat 1 small snack and not a single meal...maybe you'll go a whole week having eaten 1 meal. AND THEN...the food that you ARE able to eat...well...its only going to stay in your system for about 30 minutes before you either puke it up, or have to run to the toilet.

your body clock will change over to nocturnal. being awake during the day will become almost impossible, as your body wants to sleep during the day and be awake at night. some days you will sleep almost the entire day...and other times you wont be able to sleep at all. there will be stretches of time where you'll sleep almost constantly for weeks and times you wont be able to sleep at all for weeks.

the PAIN is rough. during the awakening...basically what happens...is your body is internally changing as well. vampire cells are much stronger than human cells. so the vampire cells attack the human cells to kill them and replace them in order to gain dominance of the host body. some days you wont be able to get up out of bed. muscle and joint pain is intense, but manageable. the worst is the inner pain, the abdominal pain can feel like your organs are inflamed and swollen and about to burst. every breath you take will irritate the pain. this pain will happen for a few weeks at a time, on and off for the whole awakening.

then the thirst will start. this is the worst part, because for many many vampires, the thirst is confused with a hunger for sex. the body gets excited at the anticipation and the possibility of feeding and that feeling is very similar to arousal. it will happen anywhere and everywhere. you start wondering if the feelings you're getting about the hot guy sitting in front of you on the bus are feelings of sexual attraction, or if you want to tear a hole in his neck and open up his carotid artery. so you grit your teeth...bear the pain and the hunger, sit on your hands and try your very best to breathe while secretly hoping he gets off at the next stop. never knowing if one day this strange hunger is going to cause you to lose your shit and actually attack someone in public.

you have to start learning to feed. of course energy is available anywhere and everywhere. but what about blood? how in the world are you going to get blood? because a vampire can and will drink a human dry. how do you pick your prey? how do you learn to seduce a human to a quiet place where you can attack and feed? what if that human has some sort of disease? what if you are seen and the police are called?

now...there are a code of ethics or "laws" that vampires are held too. theres a few, i dont know them all, but the first rule is most important. you are not to reveal yourself to a human ever. you cant exist to humans. they cannot find out about what you are...there are elder vampires that will give you a whole world of shit for doing this. you cant tell anyone, you have to live a world of complete and total lies. you confuse and baffle your doctors, but you cant tell them anything. your friends and family will start to worry about whats happening with you...but you cant tell them a thing. you had better hope you have friends that are non human as well...because you start feeling really freaking lonely really quick. if you think you've ever felt like an outcast in your life...being a vampire will make that feeling EVEN WORSE. and its not like the movies where you'll just magically find other vampires to be around and spend time with. you will have to live a life of solitude and secrets. its not glamorous...its not romantic...its scary and difficult. its not like some really helpful vampire is going to come find you and say "here i have all the help and answers you need!" no...when you are a vampire...you're all on your damn own.

and keep in mind...this isnt even an extreme example.