Sarah's Therapy approved method of stopping self harm.

This stuff is right out of my DBT (dialectical behavioural therapy) folder. This is the information i got to help me with stopping problem behaviours ie self harm

There are a series of events that lead up to self-harming. Im going to try and explain this the best i can in words. I have it as a worksheet with a diagram of a chain. The first chain is the old pattern of behaviour ie the problem behaviour which would be self harm. Now. the way to stop self harming is to find out exactly what leads up to it in the first place. I know that a lot of people will say "nothing leads up to it..i just feel the need to do it". I can understand that 100% because thats the way i felt too. that it was so quick to happen that there was no trigger and that nothing lead up to it. So, my doctor and i sat down together and he showed me the chain diagram and we went over every minute thought i had leading up to the problem behaviour.

Firstly we have to pay attention to our own personal vulnerabilities. What are the things that make you sad? what are you particularly vulnerable to?

secondly we're going to take a look at the prompting event. Maybe something you read, or saw on tv. maybe it was something someone said to you, or didnt say. maybe you're just lying in bed at night thinking about how much everything sucks sometimes. These are all things that can be a prompting event for self harm behaviour. I'll use a personal example. one day for me it was as simple as seeing a happy ending in a movie. that happy ending made me sad because i didnt have that. that was my prompt.

next we will think about what is called the "primary emotion" that is the emotion you experience first. the one in direct relation to the problem. In my example, my primary emotion would be sadness. that was the first emotion i felt and its in direct relation to the prompt.

Now what happens, is we start to make judgements that are invalidating. meaning judgements that make us feel bad. my judgement was that I was being stupid getting upset over this, because im not going to get my happy ending and that im not good enough to get that happy ending.

Then one of the biggest issues comes into play. The secondary emotion. That is the emotion that is there because of our invalidations and judgements. So after telling myself that i didnt deserve to have a happy ending and that i was stupid for being upset about it, i had more emotions come around. I felt angry at myself for being sad and upset. i also felt worthless. like i didnt matter. These secondary emotions are the ones that cause the most problem because they tend to overshadow the underlying cause of the problem which was just simply sadness.

So, now that we've got all these things coming into play, it makes us feel even more upset than is necessary. We tend to get all kinds of things swirling around in our heads that scare us, make us sad or angry, and make us sad. There is so much built up emotion inside our bodies that we need a way to find relief from it all. Thats where the problem behaviour (self-harm) happens. when we're looking for relief from our emotions and our thoughts. And thats how it happens. thats how self harm happens, those are the steps that lead to that behaviour.

Now that we understand *why* and *how* it happens, lets find a way to stop the behaviour and find better ways of finding relief.

So, after the prompting event (happy ending to the movie) Im feeling sad. The first thing we need to do is to sit for a moment, and take a look at that sadness. think about how that sadness feels physically in your body...and what is going through your head related to sadness?

Then we need to allow that sadness to be there, without judging ourselves or others for its presence. its just there. its an emotion. thats all it is.

So what we can do now, instead of experiencing the secondary emotion (because we're not judging this time!) is to find a way to soothe ourselves. when you're feeling sad, there are things you can do to "self-soothe". i like to take a hot shower or a bubble bath. Anything that will soothe your senses. So what we do in therapy is make a list of things that are soothing to the senses. other examples would be playing with a pet, lighting some nice scented candles, listening to music that is soothing to us, holding a soft stuffed animal or blanket...what this does, is help the emotion pass without feeding it with negative thoughts. and it makes us feel better to do something soothing.

Now what we need to do, is something called "self validation" Find things about yourself that arent so bad. everyone has things about them that arent bad. no one is always bad. maybe you're a good friend, or maybe you just got a really good mark on a test. or perhaps you're a good cook...just find positive things about yourself to think about, and even say out loud if it helps!

Then we activate...which is just going and doing something else. something that is going to support a positive emotion. So, maybe watch a funny movie, or go for a walk, or clean the house, whatever you want to do that is going to support positive emotions.

So with all that, we've managed to still find relief from our thoughts and emotions, but we've done it in a way that doesnt hurt us. We've done it in a way thats healthy and positive and helpful :D