Hope's Blog (6)

I lay in the utter lonliness The black hole of insecurity Trying to reasure myself That it wasn't always like this There once was light wasn't there No matter how dim There once was love Not so complicated,not so painful I'm not sure though if it ever felt right Paranoia setting in Was my heart always lost Was my soul always black Was I always destined To the hell that has befallen me Here I am caged Trapped in my eternal cell That I myself have created Continue

In the storm Stands the white rose tumultuous waves of destruction abound her Yet tall is the white rose strong in the face Of the sensed doom around her And she does not bow down Pure is the white rose In the compost earth growing eternal strength in the nights that so hurt I see not the white rose She is so far away But I long to protect her But only the words can I say So I send her my words And my poets heart To help her when there is hope to see her through Be Strong little flower Your… Continue

What is the purpose for my life anger, rage, selfishness, control these traits I posess and excel at. Why am I this way? I'ts not what I want! I have love in my heart even though it aches through my chest and bleeds through my skin screaming insanely in my mind What am I doing? I have to let go Let be free the things in life I thought I diserved , but don't I will need to suffer for my sins cause nobody else ever should Hold me accountable Judge me not them the pain , the regret is unbearable My… Continue

Standing at the window overlooking the lake at night full moon dancing on the water here I am again thinking of you so many times have I been in this spot so many times wondering what if what if things were different imagine walking in the sand just the two of us holding hands not even having to say a word we know what each others thoughts are the waves crash up against the rocks I feel serenity in my heart You put your hand on my face and trace your finger over my lips Then you lean over slowly… Continue

Sitting all alone My mind reeling searching for answers that are just not there What have I done how have I made my life even more complicated my head is pounding the voices getting louder screaming at me you fucked up you stupid bitch what is wrong with you you can never do anything right my head feels like it's gonna explode the pain is unbarable but I diserve it the voices get louder more intense I try to scream and then I realize I cant breath,all of the sudden everything goes black as I wel… Continue

I lay here thinking, wondering am I in his thoughts does he long for me it seems like he's been gone forever being away from him is pure torture I stare at the clock on the wall waiting,wanting him next to me holding me in his arms why does the clock move so slowly I feel like screaming yet no one would be there to hear me my heart beats irratically in anticipation he has to be back soon he has to know how much I miss him how much I want him and just when I think I can't take any more someone gr… Continue