my book called for now desire. the chapters are split up and don't happen after another. just random.

*Ring*
I looked up. My students were filing out. A girl named violet stopped before going outside. She came to my desk. She had black hair with bangs. She wore nothing but purple and black. She wore mini skirts from hot topik and stockings. Her shirts fit her shape perfectly not to tight or too big. She reminded me of sally. She looked down at me and smiled.
“Hi Mr. pane. I don’t’ want to ask you this but I don’t want it to get taken away again, but can you keep my i-pod for me?” she asked. I looked at her and away from my computer. She was smiling and her eyes were pleading. This was the first time she ever spoke to me.
“Sure violet.” I replied. I took the i-pod. Our fingers touch for a brief moment. She almost jumped back. She looked at me and turned around then she went out. I stared after her. I put her i-pod in the drawer beneath my computer. An i-pod touch just like sally. I got up and wrote the bell ringer on the board as my second period students came in.
I walked out into the hall. I stood with the other three teachers on this side of the building monitoring the students in the hallway as they made their way to class. I could see violet with her boyfriend, who had been her boyfriend for the past two weeks. Ok, I haven’t been stalking her or anything I’ve just been keeping tabs on little details about her.
His name is Jasper. He’s in my sixth hour class. I’ve seen them only hold hands but from what I overhear from my other students they kiss often and hug. Right now he was making her laugh. The way she moved reminded me so much of sally. It’s the only reason why I find violet fascinating. She looked my way and our eyes locked but she looked away and down then she went to her second hour class, which was home Economics. The bell rang. The intermediate math teacher Ms. Jones was talking to me about lesson plans and the PAC meeting on Friday. She finally went in her classroom and I walked into mine. Everyone was talking and laughing. I was the teacher they all took advantage of. The teacher who let them do anything.
I answered the bell ringer for them and gave them the two worksheets that they had to finish. Then I sat at my desk. I opened the drawer and took out violet’s i-pod. And I began to look at it. Exactly like I did to sally’s when she first talked to me. And sally’s first request was the exact same thing, to keep her i-pod. I looked at her music. I began to space out and daydream about memories from two years ago. The music was almost the same except for all the David Bowie and the other glam rock artist on her i-pod. I went to her photos. She had four folders. One of them was “ich liebe meinen teddybar!!” I clicked on it. It was just photos of her and jasper. I went out. I clicked on a folder that said “family”. I’ve seen her parents before. As I scrolled down I came across a photo………….
I clicked on it.
I stared at it.
My heart gripped its veins.
My lungs held on to my breathing passages.
My mind screeched.
My body felt limp.
On the screen hugging a purple and black panda stuffed animal. Was the girl I knew to be sally……….



I walked to the teachers lounge. All the students were gathered in the gym for a prep rally. Most of the teachers were in here, others went home. It smelled of coffee and sugar. I was bored. I stood in the corner listening to everyone’s conversation.
“The school only let her practice here because she’s the only donator of the school, there’s a reason we’re getting new text books and desk and everything.” Mrs. Scott said.
“But why here? Why this small town? And in our auditorium?” another teacher asked.
“Some say it’s because she was born here, and OUR auditorium? I don’t know about that. But she has such a beautiful voice its just the guy she’s with. The one who plays the piano and sings with her that scares me. Valentine Grover, I believe was his name. He’s supposed to be like 10 years older then her. But there’s something about her that reminds me of...”
I walked out. I didn’t want to hear what she was about to say. The one word that made me come here. And now I was puking. I washed my face and stood over the sink for a while. The images of her popped in my head like an automatic slideshow. I stormed out. I walked past the auditorium when I heard something. I went back two steps. I was standing in front of the door. I listened closely. And while straining to hear the voices, violet walked out. I smiled at her. She looked at me like she was caught. She walked away towards the gym. I walked in. the lights were off except for the stage. A girl. She had purple hair. Just entirely purple. She had a mask on that covered only her eyes. But the design of it made her eyes stand out and made it beautiful and glisten. She stood in the middle of the stage. In a pose as is posing for a photo shoot. And then there was a guy. He turned on a song.
“We’ll practice on kerli’s music first to catch the way we’re suppose to move together. Remember Venus don’t’ be afraid of falling or intimacy, I won’t hurt you.” He said. His voice sounded different. Like British.
“Ok.” I gasped at her voice. It was so thrilling so ringing. So beautiful.
I looked. I stood next to a wall hiding from they’re view. He pushed play on the radio. It was “hurt me” by kerli. She moved her body in a way a girl her age shouldn’t move. She was crawling on the floor. In a way where it seemed she was a sex slave and the guy was her master. It was thrilling as I watched her move. She did remind me of sally. They was she was moving. The sound of her voice…but then music stopped and they talked again.
“That was great Venus!” valentine said. Venus?? Oh, it’s not sally.
“You only liked it cause I was touching near your crotch, you’ve got to be less obvious next time or else my fans will know we ARE having an affair.” She said. She took off her mask. I looked at her and nearly stared. Her face seemed so familiar. So beautiful. If I could see her ears I could probably determine whether or not she’s sally but she covered them. She kissed valentine. His hand went on her back his hands slided down to her butt. Her leg went up his and he kissed her neck. I went to walk around when the lights came on. And I was caught. Venus gasped. I turned around. She stared at me with big, longing, curious, and frightened eyes. She put her mask back on. And valentine followed her gaze. He looked at me with a disgusted face. I was ready to bolt when.
“You. There!” he called. I turned around slowly. Venus was gone. I looked all over the stage but I couldn’t see her. Soon enough valentine was doing the same. We didn’t know where she went. When I felt someone touch my back. Next thing I knew someone was hugging me. I looked down at the pale and familiar arms around my stomach. I looked up. Valentine stared at me. He looked furious. I turned around to see Her. Right in front of me. In my grasp. But somehow it didn’t feel right. And I realized I was letting my imagination get ahead of me.
“Jude!!! You look just like how she described you!!” this ringing voice said to me. She smiled like a child. Her voice was like a Childs. High pitched and ringing. I was confused.
“She?” I was most confused and shocked.
“Oh I shouldn’t have said that.” She said her voice trailed off. She looked at valentine. I looked at both of them. She puts her head down.
“Do you know sally?” I ask. They look at each other.
“No.” they both said. I looked as they exchanged glances. I didn’t believe them.
“Yes you do.” I said. She smiled and looked at me.
“And how would you know that?” she asked.
“For one, that smile.” I said pointing as she continued to smile.
“Smile’s lie.” She said as if being intelligent.
“Exactly.”
She frowned. She walked to stand by valentine. I recognized them now. My niece liked them. Venus and valentine. Their supposed to be a duet like sonny and Cher. With few colleagues like tyrannik or the vampire Clementine. A whole new group of bands, DJ’s, and fashion icons for the now. Indie rock mixed with 80’s neon and glam rock craze look with idols like Marilyn Manson and David Bowie. I wasn’t really interested. But sally was part of that movement. Where she began to dress like these two. Going to rave’s and shopping at hot topik. Even having friends who were DJ’s and party throwers. She eventually began to use drugs. Another main subject of our very few arguments.
“Do you know sally?” i asked again. Remembering that she had gone missing with her friend Jody who was a bisexual DJ that lived on ecstasy.
“We know a lot of people Jude.” Valentine answered this time. I looked at Venus in the eyes. She stared back unmoving. Not budging.
“Look, if you want to find this so called sally. Come tonight.” She said handing me a flier and a wristband with a bunch of numbers on it. I read the flier. A rave. It was taking place at a place called raving rabbits. The hosts, Moonboy and duke. DJ, Dee-love.
“How will I find out about sally by going to a rave with a bunch of psychos high on a pill?” I was irritated. No way was I going to a rave.
“Was sally apart of the movement?” he asked. I looked at them like “you do know her”. But they were serious.
“Yeah.”
“You might or might not actually find her but you may find some info on her.” Venus said. I looked at the wristband. I bet if you turned the lights off again it would glow in the dark. It was green.
“Certain people are VIP’s. They have the ultimate variety and choices of pills and shots and lets not forget alcohol. They have access to the DJ and hosts. These people are like valentine and me. Yellow are the commoners. People who come for a certain pill and the music and hallucinations. Blue are the employees. People who go around handing the pills and syringes out. Even sampling them for the guests. Green is for the royal family. The ones with all the access. Like me. This is how you’re going to find sally.” She explained to me the levels and classes of what I thought was just a party not legalized. But I put them both in my pocket knowing she was right. This was the only way to find a lead on sally. Something the police or her friends never even dared to do. But I was different I wasn’t the police or her friend I was her lover.
“How do you know this is where I can find info on sally?” i asked them.
“We are not unfamiliar with sally. We’ve heard her name more then once from many of the leaders in our movement. DJ Dee-love, moonboy, duke, Clementine, tyrannik, violent violet, sir Pierre, rainbow, rawr boy, the magician, the white rabbit, his sister the pink rabbit, shilo the dragon, the sapphire phoenix, even candy passion. These people are recommended as being the heroes, the leaders, shit even the elders of the movement and they all either heard or know sally. We know this because we were told when we came here not to ever mention sally. Especially to a man, a teacher named Jude.” She practically screamed in my face. I cringed. I didn’t understand at all.
Sally had called her “phase” Technicolor. I had told her the general definition of Technicolor. She got mad. She said it meant the colors the artificial and digital element of the tone of the colors used for the movement. Only then did I get a sense of what she meant. What she was going through wasn’t real. But an image, a delusion, and an illustration that- what she considered “real people”- saw. Something that was everything and there but was nothing and was never real. She said life was an illusion. But the love we have for someone was one step to finding the truth. The image of “real” life. And the rave’s, the drugs, and the colors were nothing but Technicolor. An image that was real but unreal. Sort of surreal. A surreal world she called it. Black and white was when humans were slowly drifting away from “Real” life. Then there was Technicolor. The main entity that separated humans from real life. Instead of going out and living the “real” life. Such as getting a job, and realizing what’s in front of you, school, war, inventions. We went out to find and create illusions, creating images, inventing colors to put on a glass screen. To creating sounds that satisfy our imagination and the hunger for more color, for more pain, for more surrealism. That’s why we have psychological disorders she used to say. Cause this surreal world is driving us slowly insane. I didn’t know if this was her real thoughts on life and everything she was in, cause she was drunk and on heroin. But in a way she made sense out of all the chaos. All the pain in her life made sense that night. The night before her disappearance.
“Who are these people?” I asked them.
“The people who started everything. And the theory of Technicolor.” She said. I looked up right away. I knew the theory.
“What?” he said.
“The theory?” I asked.
“Please tell me sally told you the theory cause I don’t want to repeat that stuff,” he said.
“Yeah she did. She said it with such…passion.” I replied.
“Then that means she believed it or maybe she was apart of the…” her voice trailed off.
“Apart of what?” i asked.
“Nothing, we’ve told you enough. We could get in serious trouble for this. we must rehearse. Bye Jude.” He said. He turned Venus away from me.
I walked out.



I walked to my classroom. I sighed before I walked in. sally. There was always something about her that made me want to have her with me all the time. Something different and unique. She once asked me if I would ever find anyone like her. I told her I didn’t think so. That she was unique. She smiled and said to her friend Alex. “Did you hear that Alex I’m unique?” I smiled at her and then I worried maybe she thought I meant in a freakish way like I thought she was weird. So I said unique in a good way. She looked at me like duh. So many memories about her. Our after school chats, before I kissed her. The small flirtatious words we exchanged. The looks we caught each other give each other every time we were suppose to pay attention to something else. The rebellious way she didn’t say the pledge of allegiance. So many times she told me I reminded her of her father. Then the CD’s she made me. Mixes of her own music. I missed her. I walked into my classroom remembering that I was here in school at my job. I walked in I realized the lights were on. I looked up to find violet.
“Violet?” I said bewildered.
“Oh well it’s nice to know you remembered my name.” she said looking at me suspicious. I smiled.
“What are you doing here?” I asked.
“I didn’t want to go to the stupid and annoying prep rally so I went looking to see if any of the teachers doors were open. Only yours was.” She said smiling an apologetic smile.
“It’s ok, but your not supposed to be in here.” I said.
“And your not suppose too sleep with students.” She said coldly. I looked at her. How could she know?
“What?” I said.
“You heard me.” she only replied. I looked at her she had a vicious smile on her lips.
I laughed.
“I don’t know what your talking about violet, you’ve got to leave.” I said to her. She smiled and grabbed her binder. She walked out smiling at me once again before leaving. I locked the door behind her. Today was a strange day. A day of looking into the past. And venturing to what could be the future. And so I traveled home to get ready for my quest to find the love of my life.
I’m going to a rave. Something I thought I would never do.


When I typed in Raving Rabbits in the GPS in my car something was wrong. It wasn’t on the map. So I took out the flier. It told me to follow the rabbits out of the town in purple lipstick on the back. Venus. I looked around where I was to see if I could see a rabbit. Nothing. I drove onto Main Street I looked at the flier again.
“ This is ridiculous”, I thought. When I saw some homeless guy walk past me into the alley. From the corner of my eye on the wall in the back of his head was a bright white rabbit. Drawn on the wall. The rabbit looked pointed straight. So I went straight and the more buildings I passed the more rainbows of rabbits I saw. Till I was out of the city on the back roads. A sign in the middle of nowhere said “spiders from mars. Beware”. I thought it was odd so I got out of the car to look at it again. It said that all right but I looked in the back of the sign. And I laughed. It said “dead end”. I laughed and kicked the sand. I was set up. I must have missed a sign. Until I heard a roar of a car. A bluish and gray murano with tinted windows came toward me. The lights were so bright I couldn’t see whom the figure was that got out of the car. She said something I didn’t catch and the lights turned off. I looked at her. She was pretty. Small and skinny with pink hair. Her complexion was snow white with a hint of pink in her cheeks. Her eyes were a brilliant red. Most likely contacts. She smiled at me as she came near.
“Allo Jude, I’m the pink rabbit.” she smiled and laughed as she saw the shock in my face.
“The pink rabbit?” I said.
“I got my name when I began to sell in Spaceboy’s market. I was stationed in London. I had gotten in trouble with an enemy group called “sugar and spice”. They consist of four girls and two guys. One of the guys was wearing a ring. He punched me in the eye. The doctors struggled to save my eye. But the blood had flowed into my retina. When they were able to stabilize it my eye was bloodshot. And it stayed that way. When Spaceboy heard, he was angry. He came and helped to keep my identity secret. He called me the pink rabbit after he decided I was going to handle his special clients in a more secure area. He died my hair pink and got me red contacts. From there on no one knows my true identity but my brother, Spaceboy, and the essentials. But you can call me Lola, that’s what mere formalities call Me.” she smiled as she told me her story of how she got her name. She came closer to me. She held out her hand. I took it. She led me to the car. In the back seat was a boy. Not a boy a man. His hair was snow white so was his complexion. And not to my surprise his eyes were gray. I assumed he was the white rabbit. He looked at me as if not interested at all. The girl circled the sign and then looked at it again. She laughed. She looked at me and then went to my car. She looked in the back and then under the car. She laughed and came to the car. She got in the driver’s seat and closed the door.
“Someone really didn’t want you to come tonight.” She said laughing. She looked at her brother and he smiled. They laughed together. I was still confused. I knew I had been tricked. Or I think I did.
“What do you mean?” i asked as she went into reverse. And then she looked at me and smiled. She hurried to reverse the car. And then she looked straight at my car. At first I thought she was going to drive into my car.
“No!” I screamed. But then my car blew up into flames. I was speechless. They laughed. But that was my car. I looked at her. She smiled.
“Someone wants you dead Jude.” She said. That I understood.
“Why?” I asked.
“Maybe you could tell us.” She replied. She looked at her brother.
“Sally?” I said. Her head whipped around to look at me.
“What about sally?” she asked her voice serious. She was no longer smiling. Her brother was now looking at me with curious eyes.
“I’m…i…I was her boyfriend.” I said stuttering. Her eyes widen. But then someone’s phone was ringing. The girl reached into her bag that was on the floor by my foot. She took out a pink phone. She answered it.
“Allo?”
Then there was a sound of voices.
“Lottie!! This is sally we’re talking about!!” she yelled.
Silence.
“I thought the black cat was with ilosis.” She said.
Silence.
“Well if she is why the fuck…”
Silence.
“Don’t tell me what to think Lottie!! She’s taken off her magicians hat!!”
Silence.
“The fucking car exploded!! Sally rebel better tell us what’s going on or…”
Silence.
“What do you mean?”
Silence.
“Ok. Yeah…I understand. We will. Bye Lottie.” She said. She hung up the phone and put it in her jacket pocket.
“Let’s go through the rabbit hole.” She said. She smiled and looked at me.
“You have no idea what you’ve got yourself in,” she said.
“Who were you talking to?” I asked.
“Little Lottie. One of sally’s great friends.” she said. Little Lottie, she was a fashion designer. Apart of the movement. She’s small for the prodigal age of sixteen. She got her name from the fact that she is a doll compared to a regular human being. Another companion of sally. Who’s next? A real vampire from a fucking twilight novel?
I sighed. They both looked at me.
“By the way this is my brother, the white rabbit,” she said pointing to the guy in the back.