The end of feelings, hope keeping you human.

The visions of the past haunt me. It's like a virus that latches on to my very DNA. You can stay in the darkness, and feel nothing... but then there are times when flash backs of your better life overcome the darkness and make you feel that hurt, that abandonment, its like a sickness that goes away for a bit but comes back in full force. Your mind, body, and spirit are tricked into remembering the good times...when they were yours and you were theirs. You alone (not them) suffer this.
They get a new person, a new life, and a new happyness. You are left with echoes of the past. But these echoes remind you of how great it felt to be with them, while your mind knows of how they betrayed you. Your heart even gets that high you felt during that moment when they and you were practically one. But then the hurt of reality comes into play. The fact they no longer exist the way they used to, that they are now gone....that they found someone new, and that you were left all alone....The worst part is they tell a lie and you believe it. You believe it was your fault.... when in the back of your head you knew they lied...but your damn heart allows your feelings to believe it was all your fault. You go through the months trying to compose yourself, trying to get back to who you were before you met her...but your given a choice. Pain or total numbness. Anyone who has gone through that knows you pick numbness, because the hurt is so bad...and the fact that they are happy with the asshole who stole them from you, you dip into that darkness. But the darkness can not just be contained as just an answer to not feel pain. No, it takes over. You are but a shell of who you were, and you now act out of pure instinct instead of feeling. But you know there is hope. You know you have to find someone else. You know you have to once again love. It's your mission. It's the only way to save you from being numb your whole life with a chance of spears of sadness hitting your heart ..whenever something reminds you of this person. Hope keeps you alive, hope keeps you still in the game. The best way to get rid of this virus, is to find true love. Once you find that person and they don't abandon you or fuck you over...thats when the virus will be destroyed. You gotta have hope. And hope is all that motivates me now. Believe in it. Because true love. The purest of love exists. You just have to have the balls to find it.